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It has been a while…..

19 Sep

The prodigal blogger is returning.   This week I actually debated giving up the blog – it was a brief debate, with not much banter, just me muttering to myself about not having any time…  And the winner was………building suspense……..the blog.  Actually, the real winner is myself.   The blog is me being accountable so I must come back into the fold [inserting myself into fold here].          

So what happened last week that derailed me? 

Last week started out well – ran 8 miles last Sunday (see the last blog post) and lost a pound.    I think my first mistake was not posting a workout schedule.    This left me “open” – free to create (or not create) my schedule.  I ended up working out only 3 times this week.   However, what killed 2 workouts for me was my husband and the painful process of buying a new car.    I was getting phonecalls at work – “we need to go to XXXX dealership to see blah, blah”  and “come during your lunch hour to test drive XYZ”.       Purchasing a new car, ultimately a mini-van, was horribly stressful.   I won’t bore you with all of the details here – but I am the now the owner of:

 I am now an offical, card-carrying soccer mom.   Seriously.

The other big perk to buying an mini-van, beyond the status and space, is that I am able to cart my bike around easily.  So hopefully this will translate into group bike rides which I desperately need.    One of the other issues hurting my workouts is simply the sun is going down so darn early.      Moving on to other topics I need to share with you….

I am slightly freaking out about Miami Man and annoyed.    Last night I visited their website to get a better feel for last year’s race times to see what I should be shooting for (intimidating website – visit).  In the process I checked out other Athena women (I thought we could virtually bond over chaffing and jiggling).   Now, for those of you who don’t know,  Athena and Clydesdales (fun names…) are the classes for “big” people.   Big is simply defined in tri world for woman as 150 and above – so you could be 6 feet tall and 150 pounds and you are still Athena (I feel like I need to pound my chest when I say ATHENA).    Most women (from what I understand) who are not “big” – even if they are above 150 pick their age class.    So when I clicked on the pictures of the Athena women I stupidly expected to see larger women like me.  Ah, no….. Yes, they weren’t stick thin – yet only about 2-3 were overweight.     

What have I done?   I am going to stick out like a red wine on a wedding dress.   Not pretty and obviously not fitting in…

Yet – I am not totally freaking out about this still.  For some reason (despite my weight, slow times, and not having done a tri in a year) I somehow think it will be ok and I will come out with ok times.    I really don’t quite get where this optimism is coming from.  And I am so absurdly optimistic I am signing up for the NYC Nautica Triathlon in November (actually I am signing up for the lottery – God will decide that one for me).      My husband just shakes his head at me and asks “Are you having fun?”   I pause and think, “Am I?”  

Why yes, I AM HAVING FUN!   

And actually one big reason why I have been in a little of a funk this week is because I couldn’t work out.  

Today, as if I needed more proof that I would be the ultimate outlier in this triathlon of the TPs (thin and pretties) was purchasing a wetsuit and trisuit today.   God help you if you weigh more than 150.  To illustrate, if you weight more than 185 you can’t get a women’s wet suit (you have to order a men’s size).    My wetsuit (an XL of course) will be very very snug (if it fits at all).   Tri suits were also horrendous – most brands didn’t even make a size for me.   I found an XL or XXL on the Danskin website.      

My apologies for checking out – lets hope this is the last round of me neglecting blogging and myself.   Frankly, I also missed you all.    And thought of many of you this week.    So, here’s to a great week of training and life!


My latest 5K race…BLAH!

9 Sep

Beware:  The following post is a little whiney and winey (I have two glasses in me….the shame…)

Today I ran……poorly.  Ok, so in all honesty my performance 33.45 (5K) is pretty much what I have always done at a 5K race, tri, etc.  Yet,  what concerns me is that it was hard.  It was only 3 miles – this is below my base run – however, it seemed to be a struggle.  To be frank, I also felt like a loser (I despise that word and hate thinking of others this way – yet it is the only thing that applies to me today).    Everyone was faster than me.   The race was advertised as a run/walk – yet where were the walkers to boost my self esteem?   I am really not that shallow – but seriously, I didn’t think I would be at the complete back of the pack.   I signed on for a reality check on my training and a reality check is certainly what I got.   For some reason I think I got cocky training – and elevated myself to the land of pretty, thin people that are able to get fast times of 8 and 9 minute miles.  I forget that I am still pretty overweight and a rather large person in this race – I still hold onto what I looked like a decade ago….What have I gotten myself into?  Why did I sign up for a full tri? I have such a long way to go.   To date, I have only concentrated on whether I could do it – could I do 22 miles on a bike (yes), 6.6 miles running (yes) – Speed, combining these components is not something I have spent a lot of time on – and I need to.  

Besides desperately needing to work on speed my other confession is I just started swimming this week (less than a month before my sprint tri) and two months before the full tri.     I live on a lake – directly on water – yet I couldn’t seem to get myself into the water.   I didn’t get in my lake water in July besides my dr. didn’t want me to – my c-section scar was healing and the lake is not a clean place.   And in August – it just seemed too “icky”.    After swimming twice this week (in the clean chlorinated pool at work)  – I realized – wow this is harder than I thought/remembered.   Which is the theme for the week I fear – it is harder than I thought.  

Enough of this pity party.   Tomorrow and here on out I will work on speed.   My new running partner will help with speed and my brick workouts will assist in endurance.   I hope:)

On another front – sorry I haven’t visited many of your blogs.  I am really struggling with going back to work, finding time to breathe, workout, feed my children and showering.    Yea, not pretty.   I even haven’t had time to respond to a fabulous award that mostly fit mom gave me.   That is on tomorrow’s to do list. 

Good night.

Alas… It is time to put up or shut up.

9 Aug

So, my weight took a turn for the worse at the end of the week and so did my eating.  Although I don’t think I ate enough to gain the two pounds that I lost – the digits say otherwise.  This is leading me to rethink my ” no food journal” approach.  Originally, I had planned on having the same thing everyday for breakfast and lunch. Dinner would be meat and veggies. And while I still want to do this – I need to recognize that there is more variety and my snacking needs to get under control.   I need to get under control.  This also includes working out.  I managed to fit in something most days.  However, it is not enough. I need to start brick workouts (two a day – biking and running, swimming and running).  I only have 3 months until the full triathlon.    If I was a betting woman, the odds aren’t good that I am going to make it.    And the overweight man on his mountain bike who passed me (overweight woman on my coolio Giant racing bike)  would agree.   Yea, that was painful.

Looking ahead for the week:   I will..

keep a food journal, not eat processed food, stop eating at 8, limit my carbs, start some brick workouts, and no alcohol.

My weight goal is simply to see the digit 191.  It can be 191.9 and I will be a happy camper.   Ideally, I would love, love, love to see 180 something by the end of the month (please god, please god).     Maternity leave is soon up – and I will be going back to work full time.  I really wanted to be (at least) at my pre-pregnancy weight by then.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like that is going to happen.  Sigh.

I hate numbers.

2 Aug

I didn’t weigh myself on Sunday.   Admittedly, I cheated on Saturday and a little Sunday (not too much – curse OREOS!).   So I wasn’t expecting 193.2 on the scale that I got on Saturday morning (only two short days ago).   However, I was surprised that my weight went up almost 3 lbs!  What the hell   It is wrong that my first thought is – do I have a lot of poop in me?   Extra milk?  Any excuse.

I hate this – again, I only have myself (and a slow metabolism to blame).   So,  I am not going to look back just forward.

My weight goal this week is to get down to 190/191.  I know that may not seem reasonable – 6 lbs in a week.  But I sincerely think that the 196 is not accurate – it is probably 193.5/194.  So the weight loss will be more like 3 or so pounds.    I can do it!  I have to – for my sanity.  That, and I hate how the floor shakes when I move.

I suck.

1 Aug

I am not consistent.   Case in point – my blog.   I obviously haven’t written in a while because writing down that I had a ton of Oreos, pieces of cake, had some beer, didn’t work out, fell behind on my tri training wasn’t fun to document or share.

I am fed up with myself.    And yes, I’ll say it “I am sick and tired, of being sick and tired”.  I hate this battle with myself.  Making promises to do this, and that, eat this, not that and not following through.   Consistency, my dear, consistency is what I need.   I could make excuses for myself (newborn, husband out-of-town all of the time) to perhaps justify all of this – but enough.   My life is a cakewalk compared to most.  Ultimately, my behavior is evidence that I really don’t want to change –  I am not ready.    I need to flip the switch of determination/willpower.   So, where the hell is it?

Tomorrow is a new day – I am starting the 30 minute shred.  Husband is out-of-town so I am left to walk with the stroller and do the video.   Pics and Weigh In too – oh, joy….

Detour Continues – Day 2

25 Jul

Alas, I blame the balloons.

The day started fine.   English muffin with a little peanut butter and an Activia.  Before I review the day – let me digress and discuss my LOVE of Activia – specifically strawberry with fiber (vanilla with fiber – not so much).  It is a party in my mouth – made much better with the little grains of fiber.   I also like the fact that it is a little smaller than other yogurts (110) and relatively natural.   When I eat it I actually feel like I am having dessert – like a European.  Actually Europe typically treats yogurt like a dessert and they normally come in a size similar to Activia.  I wish we had the yogurt selection they had.  Sigh.

A nice little treat

Anyway – I couldn’t resist and I ate another 500 calorie cookie – which made me feel like I couldn’t have lunch – not a smart move.   My stupidity became much more clear later in the afternoon and evening when, with an empty stomach, we went to a Balloon festival (aka sauna).  Bringing a preschooler and a newborn into the blazing late afternoon heat was not my finest hour or two.  I had little appreciation for how hot it was, nor that shelter would be hard to fine and even shade could be illusive.  Very quickly I attempted to cool down the kids will such brilliant strategies, such as 1) put the cold water bottle behind their necks, on their arms and legs 2) Sprinkle cold water on their clothes 3) Force liquids down their throats as often as possible (this obviously is the most important) 4) Unbuttoned the newborn’s outfit and fanned air into it  and 5) Just sit in the shade until the balloons take off.  My fear of the heat became a little more acute when one of the festival employees, working a booth behind us, started getting heat exhaustion and almost collapsed – bringing an EMT, truck and cops to our area – which all told stories of the perils of hot weather.  And here I was with a two month old.  I think people thought I was nuts.  I agree with them.  Stupid.  So, was it worth it?  The hour and a half of sweltering heat, the lack of healthy food at the festival, sitting through an bikini-clad escape artist and two singalongs for kids while sitting on a hay bale, all for ten minutes of balloon ascension?  I am still deciding….  however, it was amazing to see the 50+ balloons take off and go merrily along their way.   The gentle rise  of a balloon take-off is something to behold and in sum,  it looks like a very colorful, air borne beaded necklace (with a lot of out of place, misshapen beads – yes, I am referring to the clown and Pepsi Can Balloons) as they drift into the sky.

So in an effort to be “good” all I had was half an Italian ice – which left me starving for dinner.  Dinner, consumed at 10 PM because we got home late, was Chinese.  While I didn’t have white rice (the silver or white lining of this tale), I consumed too much of it, coupled with two glasses of white wine and the filling of a cannoli.   My head is hanging low in shame for these last two.  I hope this is the end of my bad behavior.  Obviously, eating like this and not exercising is not going to cut it.  So, Sunday will be a better day.  I have decided that come Monday I need to get serious.  Which is going to translate into me posting pictures of my body weekly (god please give me strength), doing the Jullian Michael’s 30 Day Shred for 30 days straight, and working out for at least an hour every day.   In August, I have to start the full Tri 3 month training program.

Goals – what didn’t happen.

Weight/Health – Didn’t weigh myself and didn’t work out (husband was working and then the festival). Ate after 8, had processed food.  Didn’t write.   Kitchen wasn’t clean before bed and I checked the gossip websites – a ton yesterday.  Didn’t touch pictures/Spanish.

Highlights – Didn’t have a diet coke!  Resisted my daughter’s Mac and Cheese, Didn’t get ice cream at the festival – I think that is it.

I have to get serious from here on out – enough.

Weighing myself tomorrow will be a wake-up call and the pictures will be a horrific intervention.

Veering Off Course – Day 1

24 Jul

The first day wasn’t pretty, cute or moderately attractive.  It is true that when something goes astray – your day has the potential to spiral downward in the abyss of bad, mindless eating – hello Friday.   The day started fine – however,  out of town friends came over – which meant getting food  and drink to snack on.    Attempting to be “good” and not get my “box gone in one seating” foods, I opted to purchase ham and cheese, bread, hummus, and pita chips.  Not great, not horrible.  They, in turn, brought pastries – why GOD?  Of course, they are not the small dainty  pastries that you envision at a tea party surrounded by fine china, but rather the massive,  pastries that are purchased in your local New York/NJ diner.  Pastries with an attitude and personality, calling out to me when I pass them in the kitchen –  Cannolis and sugar rings, dipped in chocolate.  Two are now gone and they have to be at least 500 calories each.  I need to throw them away – but somehow I can’t manage to.

So what was the damage?  What goals didn’t I achieve.

Health:   Didn’t weigh myself. Didn’t work out because hubby was working (I was on kid patrol); Consumed 1 500 calorie monster cookie, 3 oreos, and yes, I ate after 8.  And I had one Diet Coke, because I was stressed…

Consistency: Made some progress here.  Went to bed with a dirty kitchen though.

Bad Habits/Special Projects:  Broke down and read gossip, didn’t touch pictures, and complained about someone.. Stop