It has been a while…..

The prodigal blogger is returning.   This week I actually debated giving up the blog – it was a brief debate, with not much banter, just me muttering to myself about not having any time…  And the winner was………building suspense……..the blog.  Actually, the real winner is myself.   The blog is me being accountable so I must come back into the fold [inserting myself into fold here].          

So what happened last week that derailed me? 

Last week started out well – ran 8 miles last Sunday (see the last blog post) and lost a pound.    I think my first mistake was not posting a workout schedule.    This left me “open” – free to create (or not create) my schedule.  I ended up working out only 3 times this week.   However, what killed 2 workouts for me was my husband and the painful process of buying a new car.    I was getting phonecalls at work – “we need to go to XXXX dealership to see blah, blah”  and “come during your lunch hour to test drive XYZ”.       Purchasing a new car, ultimately a mini-van, was horribly stressful.   I won’t bore you with all of the details here – but I am the now the owner of:

 I am now an offical, card-carrying soccer mom.   Seriously.

The other big perk to buying an mini-van, beyond the status and space, is that I am able to cart my bike around easily.  So hopefully this will translate into group bike rides which I desperately need.    One of the other issues hurting my workouts is simply the sun is going down so darn early.      Moving on to other topics I need to share with you….

I am slightly freaking out about Miami Man and annoyed.    Last night I visited their website to get a better feel for last year’s race times to see what I should be shooting for (intimidating website – visit).  In the process I checked out other Athena women (I thought we could virtually bond over chaffing and jiggling).   Now, for those of you who don’t know,  Athena and Clydesdales (fun names…) are the classes for “big” people.   Big is simply defined in tri world for woman as 150 and above – so you could be 6 feet tall and 150 pounds and you are still Athena (I feel like I need to pound my chest when I say ATHENA).    Most women (from what I understand) who are not “big” – even if they are above 150 pick their age class.    So when I clicked on the pictures of the Athena women I stupidly expected to see larger women like me.  Ah, no….. Yes, they weren’t stick thin – yet only about 2-3 were overweight.     

What have I done?   I am going to stick out like a red wine on a wedding dress.   Not pretty and obviously not fitting in…

Yet – I am not totally freaking out about this still.  For some reason (despite my weight, slow times, and not having done a tri in a year) I somehow think it will be ok and I will come out with ok times.    I really don’t quite get where this optimism is coming from.  And I am so absurdly optimistic I am signing up for the NYC Nautica Triathlon in November (actually I am signing up for the lottery – God will decide that one for me).      My husband just shakes his head at me and asks “Are you having fun?”   I pause and think, “Am I?”  

Why yes, I AM HAVING FUN!   

And actually one big reason why I have been in a little of a funk this week is because I couldn’t work out.  

Today, as if I needed more proof that I would be the ultimate outlier in this triathlon of the TPs (thin and pretties) was purchasing a wetsuit and trisuit today.   God help you if you weigh more than 150.  To illustrate, if you weight more than 185 you can’t get a women’s wet suit (you have to order a men’s size).    My wetsuit (an XL of course) will be very very snug (if it fits at all).   Tri suits were also horrendous – most brands didn’t even make a size for me.   I found an XL or XXL on the Danskin website.      

My apologies for checking out – lets hope this is the last round of me neglecting blogging and myself.   Frankly, I also missed you all.    And thought of many of you this week.    So, here’s to a great week of training and life!

8 Miles…..and no, I am not talking about Eminem!

Yep.  I did it.  8 whole miles running without stopping (ok there was a potty break after mile 1 but that doesn’t count – yes, I used the word potty – I have a 3 year old…)

I am proud and surprised with myself.  And while my pace was a little under 11 minute miles – I still did it.   I think I am most proud of the fact that I simply accomplished what I said I would today.   Lately, none of my plans seem to play out; Work related projects get pushed out, buying new running shoes (they have to be ordered – ten days wait), trying to find a venue for my son’s birthday fail, even getting my nails done today didn’t happen – but this did.  Happy day. Happy Day.    I even think I had another half mile or mile left in me.   Let’s see how I will wake up tomorrow.  I should put a poll on this thing:   

Will I be able to walk tomorrow?   Yes              No  

Tune in…..

My latest 5K race…BLAH!

Beware:  The following post is a little whiney and winey (I have two glasses in me….the shame…)

Today I ran……poorly.  Ok, so in all honesty my performance 33.45 (5K) is pretty much what I have always done at a 5K race, tri, etc.  Yet,  what concerns me is that it was hard.  It was only 3 miles – this is below my base run – however, it seemed to be a struggle.  To be frank, I also felt like a loser (I despise that word and hate thinking of others this way – yet it is the only thing that applies to me today).    Everyone was faster than me.   The race was advertised as a run/walk – yet where were the walkers to boost my self esteem?   I am really not that shallow – but seriously, I didn’t think I would be at the complete back of the pack.   I signed on for a reality check on my training and a reality check is certainly what I got.   For some reason I think I got cocky training – and elevated myself to the land of pretty, thin people that are able to get fast times of 8 and 9 minute miles.  I forget that I am still pretty overweight and a rather large person in this race – I still hold onto what I looked like a decade ago….What have I gotten myself into?  Why did I sign up for a full tri? I have such a long way to go.   To date, I have only concentrated on whether I could do it – could I do 22 miles on a bike (yes), 6.6 miles running (yes) – Speed, combining these components is not something I have spent a lot of time on – and I need to.  

Besides desperately needing to work on speed my other confession is I just started swimming this week (less than a month before my sprint tri) and two months before the full tri.     I live on a lake – directly on water – yet I couldn’t seem to get myself into the water.   I didn’t get in my lake water in July besides my dr. didn’t want me to – my c-section scar was healing and the lake is not a clean place.   And in August – it just seemed too “icky”.    After swimming twice this week (in the clean chlorinated pool at work)  – I realized – wow this is harder than I thought/remembered.   Which is the theme for the week I fear – it is harder than I thought.  

Enough of this pity party.   Tomorrow and here on out I will work on speed.   My new running partner will help with speed and my brick workouts will assist in endurance.   I hope:)

On another front – sorry I haven’t visited many of your blogs.  I am really struggling with going back to work, finding time to breathe, workout, feed my children and showering.    Yea, not pretty.   I even haven’t had time to respond to a fabulous award that mostly fit mom gave me.   That is on tomorrow’s to do list. 

Good night.

Progress!

Progress on my weight!

New weight related double digits are like a gentle breeze on a warm day – welcome and much appreciated.  Praise the lord….I have entered the 180s.  The 180s are “home sweet home”.  Ok, so not so sweet – but comfortable like an old, ugly shoe.    The 180s have been my frenemy for the last 8-9 years.   Specifically, my body gets stuck at 185.   It loves this number and never wants to leave.  After almost a year of running, prior to my pregnancy, I didn’t get below 183.  I did see (a mirage really) 173-176 on the scale 3 years ago for 4 months when I got sick with mono and pneumonia (at the same time).  When I was better my weight rebounded to, yup, you guessed it 185.     160-170+ was my weight for the first two years of graduate school (until things got much more stressful) and the last three years in graduate school it zoomed to 185 where it has been for eternity.  115 (so not healthy) -150 is a distant memory from high school and the beginning of college. 

In sum – I have been overweight/borderline obese for nearly ten years – age 25 on…..wow, that is a long time to be a big girl.

Confessions of the….Gross

Ok, I have something to confess.  And given that I am not catholic I only have the blogosphere to hear my sins.     I went to my work place gym last Friday (yea – going to the gym).   However, that meant that I had to open my locker (with stuff in it) – which hadn’t been opened for an entire year.   Yes, that is right….  head bows in shame…..

I didn’t open my gym locker for over a year!

My gym is at work (so I wasn’t paying a membership) and when I found out I was pregnant I simply stopped going.  Out of sight/out of mind.  Frankly, I was a little nervous to see what was in my locker because we also have a pool which I use.  So would my swimsuit/swimsuits be in the there?  Wet towels?  Soaking wet sports bra that is now utterly covered in mold contaminating the other contents of my locker and spreading to other lockers…. and then everyone in the locker room would be up in arms with the mystery girl who never comes?  What? (I really couldn’t remember what was in my locker).   Fortunately, it ended up being a lot less gross than I thought.    My swimsuit/towels/sports bra, etc were NOT there.  The only things that remained was my spare makeup bag (with a complete set of make-up), shampoo, conditioner, razor, flip flops, blow dryer and deo.    I think that my towel and swimsuit were left hanging up outside of the locker and simply thrown away along the way (which I totally deserved).   Bad locker room user. 

What gross fitness/health related confessions do you have?

Weighing Yourself Everyday or Once a Week?

 

The scale is starting to scare me again.  A while back I wrote this –  full of bravado and confidence.     I wish I was there again.  I think my eating has gotten worse, while my training is improving.   At present, I am trying to get back into the healthy eating mode after visits by my parents and inlaws and the big return to work (which has caused my night time stress eating to increase).    As a result, I haven’t weighed myself for most of the week – remembering how pleasant it was not to weigh myself during my vacation.    So, this has led me to rethink the question of,  should I weigh myself every day or once a week? 

Lets review the arguments and facts – shall we?

• Programs like WW discourage you from weighing yourself everyday – finding that it was discouraging to folks (weight fluctuations)
• If you see a weight loss you may be tempted to celebrate/overeat – not see a weight loss – overeat/binge. 
• If you have an eating disorder weighing yourself everyday is not the way to go.   Individuals tend to fixate on the numbers.
• “…A group of doctors who studied obese and overweight adults who were trying to lose weight as well as overweight adults who were trying to prevent weight gain found that those who weighed themselves more often lost more weight and prevented more weight gain over two years than those who weighed themselves less frequently. Contrary to the advice given in many popular weight loss regimens, this study suggests that at least some people can benefit from the accountability brought on by daily weigh-ins. Potential advantages of daily weighing include recognition of slow patterns of weight gain that may not be immediately apparent and the chance to modify lifestyle habits before the total weight gain becomes extreme and difficult to control” (Source)
• Weighing yourself everyday allows you to learn about your body – how it reacts to certain foods, weight fluctuations throughout the week/month. 
• Weighing yourself everyday allows you to see weight loss trends and provide an early incentive to change – before the week or month is up.
• And as my husband says (over and over), “it [your weight] is the truth…if you don’t know it you are just lying to yourself”

In the end, I still am torn – however, am leaning towards going back to weighing myself everyday.  

What do you think – should you weigh yourself everyday or every week?

Back to Work and On the Move

Today it dawned on me – there is a perk to going back to work.  Weight loss….

Hear me out:   Life at home was divine.  I would sit on my brown, micro-suede couch, watch tv, breast feed, procrastinate on my computer, breastfeed, eat, breastfeed (you get the idea).   However, most of my activity involved me sitting on this bad boy:

  My behind and this couch have a very special, touching relationship – they are inseperable.  And while I would occasionally leave Mr. Brown (to run, bike and the like) – I would always quickly return to its safe soft landing pad.     Now, Mr. Brown and I have gotten a divorce –  I have moved on to this blue number:

 

We have a different relationship.  It is less a marriage and more a fleeting affair.  I am constantly coming and going, climbing stairs, running to the other side of the complex.  And yes, there certainly is enough time spent in blue – overall, they are relatively brief encounters.   

The other plus to working is that I can no longer graze.  I am livestock no more!  All I can eat is what is put in my trough lunchbox.   Just looking for the silver lining – where are you?

According to calorie count – I burn 1940 calories when I am sedentary, 2250 with light activity, 2510 with moderate activity and 2790 for heavy activity.   Maybe I will start to see some additional progress.  Fingers crossed.

A new month!

I love new months – to me it symbolizes a new beginning, a fresh clean slate.  The perfectionist in me likes this – which is why at the start of every new work cycle I do things like purchase a new workbook/office supplies – hoping that their newness will somehow transfer over to my work ethic.   

Ode to a fresh start….I guess right now, I really want to vent about my frustrations with working out, my lack of weight loss, etc. – however, I get so tired of complaining.  And who really wants to be around a complainer?  I want to be a Tigger – not an Eeyore (fyi- check out the last lecture).  The last two weeks have been crazy – my parents were here, vacation, now my in-laws are here.  I guess it is unrealistic for me for expect to adhere to my training program/weight loss hopes under these circumstances.  Hence, my progress somewhat diminishing  – I am weighing myself less and processed foods have been sneaking in.  I need to turn this ship around.  

New course:  Need to closely follow training program.  I also need to write down my foods and then contact a dietitian – I sincerely feel like I should be losing more weight given then I am working out 4-5 times a week and breastfeeding everyday.    I am also going to start the flylady program tomorrow (a day late – sorry Danielle – darn in-laws).  Hopefully having control in my home will help out.   And I hope to write more meaningful blogs that are jammed packed with value:)

Almond Butter vs. Peanut Butter Snackdown!

Source: http://www.fitsugar.com/Nutritional-Comparison-Peanut-Butter-Almond-Butter-3248632

I recently made a switch from Peanut Butter to Almond Butter.  It was a hard choice, involving many dirty spoons.  So – why switch?  Here is my strange and somewhat researched reasons. 

• All the cool kids in blogo world like it – must be good.  Peer pressure works.
• Cashew butter seems too decadent – almond butter seems to be the nice compromise.
• Perhaps the biggest reason – I can’t control my peanut butter love.  Spoonful, after yummy spoonful is consumed.  PB is filling, yet nutritious.  Sweet, yet not too sweet.  Healthy, yet full of calories and fat.   It is a rather confusing love.    So – almond butter became my new nut of choice – my hope was that I would like it, but not too much….
• Another minor (but important reason) to embrace almond butter is that it is better nutritionally.  This excerpt is from Runner’s World:

            ” Almond butter has about the same amount of total fat as peanut butter but almost twice the monounsaturated fat, which helps    maintain healthy cholesterol levels, says Leslie Bonci, R.D., director of sports nutrition at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center. A study in the Journal of the American College of Nutrition found that eating almond butter for four weeks reduced harmful LDL and raised HDL. Almond butter also packs more bone–building minerals like magnesium, calcium, and phosphorus, and more vitamin E, says Bonci. “Plus, it has a sweeter taste and doesn’t seem as heavy as peanut butter.”

So far I have, somewhat, resisted the urge to go spoon diving into Almond butter – so, I think I made the right decision!

Do you like almond butter better than Peanut Butter – what brand do you eat?

The party is over and I’ve regressed….

My vacation is over.

Maternity leave is over and

work resumes tomorrow.  Good golly.    

I actually have much to share and will dole it out in short order, however, I just wanted to drop a quick post documenting my status – for better or for worse.

On a positive note, running an hour is no longer a big deal – I did it three times this week and have more fuel in my tank when I am done.  Thank goodness – I continue to see progress.  

My bad news:  I walked into a time machine and became 15 again.  Seriously, when one vacations/spends extended periods of time with ones parents you regress.  And regress I did.  I relived my childhood habits of not exercising, eating copious amounts of childhood snack foods that my parents purchased (i.e. Teddy Grahams,  crackers, chips) and drinking dark water (i.e. Diet Coke).   Yes, they drink diet coke like it is water.  Recently, my dad walked through my living room and something seemed “wrong.”  Then I realized it – he was holding a glass with some strange, clear exotic liquid in it (yes, water).  Not all was lost – I did have some vegetables, held the mayo on a sandwich, forced my son to give away candy bars he won at Bingo to other kids so we wouldn’t have them at home (mean mom), gave away my french fries, had one piece of pizza, and ….that is it I am afraid.   

So, why do we do it?  Am I alone?  Do we all fall back into old patterns/behaviors when we surround ourselves with specific situations/people?  In retrospect, I feel like I should have prepared myself more – acknowledged that my parents love to snack and I can’t do it this time, I need to bring alternative healthy snacks, etc.  The reality is – is that I am a grown up and have full responsibility for my actions.  In no way do I blame my parents for what I am putting in my mouth – however, spending time with them offers perspective as to why I am the way I am.  It also offers the reality of what may be if I continue to gain weight and live an unhealthy life – diabetes and cancer.